Gratefulness Camp Revisited

"Mom! It's not fair! Seth has an iPod and all I have is just one stupid little electronic (a DS)! All I ever get are just toys, and coloring books, and clothes, and books!" whined my obviously self-entitled 6 year old. I stared at the road with my mouth hanging open while I hauled my kids home from school in the mini van, all the while rage and shock building at how eloquently my offspring express themselves as brats. Yes, I said it. My kids were acting like brats. No, I am not calling them brats. But we all know that every kid has his or her moments of bratty behavior, and this moment was an epic one. My other two kids chimed along in agreement. I was furious at the audacity of my blessed children to vocally identify and then complain about the many blessings they get to enjoy. Something needed to be done. Something big. Now let me preface all of this by saying that we do not live an especially extravagant lifestyle by most people's standards, and my kids are plenty experienced with hearing the word, "NO." We struggle, like most parents I know, to live life in a way with our children that both provide necessities and some extra fun, while teaching stewardship and thankfulness. It's a tough balance sometimes and I'm not sure many of us truly master it. Clearly, we needed a shift in that balance at our house. So, I announced (yelled, yes, I yell) that children all over the world live their lives without toys and would be grateful to wear the same clothes and eat the same food that most kids in America enjoy. So, in the process of lecturing out of my fury (starving kids all over the world, etc., etc. You know the drill) I randomly yell that we are going to learn to be grateful by eating only beans and rice and playing with sticks for a while. ...  Then quiet panic.. Oh My Goodness! what did I just say??!!! And how am I going to pull that off without losing my mind for the first week of summer with all three kids at home??!!!  Sanity at risk or not, I could feel it in my bones; this was one of those crucial crossroads we occasionally come to in parenting. If I didn't follow through with this, my kids would know I am a liar and that I also am unable to make sacrifices. They would remember this one way or the other. It would either be the time (one of many) that mom got mad and ranted for 30 minutes with empty threats and then went back to normal OR it would be that time mom got mad and then did something crazy. It needed to be the latter. I NEED my kids to believe and now know for certain that mom is a little bit crazy and unpredictable. It keeps them on their toes. I eventually cooled down and put a little thought into my threat and that's how Gratefulness Camp was born at the Vicena house.

Day 1

Since I just made this all up, it was kind of "off the cuff" and not super organized I have to admit. But here is what it looked like. Gratefulness Camp lasted 3 days. My goal was to recreate certain experiences that would be comparable to how a large portion of the world lives. I was not aiming to starve them or cause true pain. But I was aiming to make them uncomfortable in a way that was very real to what would be considered a common standard of living around the world. I started them off the first night by making them sleep on a mat on the floor. I laid a blanket on the floor and they were each given one pillow and one blanket to cover up with. They slept together because many families sleep together in one-room houses. They struggled a little with not getting to bring their stuffed animals to bed, but we explained that a lot of kids don't have fluffy toys to sleep with. 

First quote from the week about Gratefulness camp: Seth - "Can I sleep with my Dream Lite?" Me: "No, babe. Sorry. Most children in the world don't have Dream Lites and would not be able to waste precious battery power on something so frivolous when batteries are needed for more important things." Seth: "But maybe most kids in the world have rich grandparents who buy them Dream Lites and batteries anyways?" Me: "No. Nice try."

When the kids woke up the next morning, I made them plain rice for breakfast. Each kid was give one bowl, one cup and one spoon for the week. They were each responsible for washing their own dishes after each meal and were not given any other eating utensils, regardless of how clean they were or not. (They actually loved this part. They thought getting to wash their own dishes was awesome and we went through like half a bottle of Costco sized Dawn detergent)

Obviously, electronics or normal toys were not allowed during Gratefulness Camp. The kids were given one deck of cards to play Go Fish and a ball and each could choose one book for the week. This was their entertainment. They did get to play outside because the great outdoors is free to everyone. But, we live in Oklahoma and it is tornado season. So, the outside time was pretty limited because of rain and storms. This part actually turned out much better than I thought it would. The kids did get bored. BUT, they also found new ways to entertain themselves that I thought was great. They told stories and invented games and used their imaginations in new ways. They talked and cuddled and ran around. It was fantastic. No toys or electronics was the part the kids were most nervous about which prompted this panicked response from Lilah when I first announced Gratefulness Camp. "Mom, that's not fair! Seth and I will be so bored but Isaac will just play with his fingers and be happy!" To which Seth replied, "Yeah mom, your fingers lose their fun the older you get." I tried to be sympathetic, but was laughing so hard because this was so, SO, true. Just the week before we had gone on vacation and all I gave Isaac to entertain him on the plane from California for 4 hours was 2 of those little green sticks they give you at Starbucks to keep your coffee from splashing out. He was completely entertained the ENTIRE TIME with just 2 coffee sticks. He WILL play with his fingers for 3 days and not even care. (Isaac is 4)

With toys and electronics gone, I had to keep the kids busy. So, I explained to them that in most parts of the world, children spend a lot of time working. If they are not able to go to school, they work at their home to help the family while parents work or they go find ways to help make money for the family. Either way, a lot of kids work, and so will we. We started with cleaning up the playroom, which was kind of trashed from a whole weekend of partying with friends and family. Then the kids were given rags and toy cleaner to wipe down each individual toy in the playroom. We talked about how it is our responsibility to give away anything we are not using. The kids sorted through all their toys and pulled out everything they no longer play with or read and put it in a box to donate.

For lunch they ate more rice.

Storms were moving into Oklahoma for the rest of the week, so we focused our energy on outside work before the rain started. The kids picked up sticks in the front and back yards, swept the patio and garage, poop scooped (we have 2 dogs), and got a few minutes of outside playtime. 

For dinner they were served rice with beans.

They spent their evening doing baths and playing Go Fish. We had family devotions where we talked about sharing Jesus in China and how hand water pumps work (which is how much of the world gets fresh water). BTW, Voice of the Martyrs website has a great page called Kids of Courage that has some fantastic kids devotions and activities designed to expose kids to a larger worldview and missions.

Isaac started talking about how his tummy was grumbling so I fed him more rice and beans because he hadn’t really eaten much at dinner. Then the kids laid their own bed mat and blankets back out and went to bed. 

Day 2

Day 2 started out a little rough because Isaac had gotten sick the night before. He threw up once, so we were a bit preoccupied with him. He woke up and seemed fine and said he was feeling fine. But, while I was dealing with Isaac, Seth snuck 2 bananas. I told him he could eat one and was planning to save the other for Isaac because a banana is one of the few things that are good to eat if you have a stomach bug. But Seth said he was so hungry, he ate both. Hunger makes you do crazy things! The kids also each ate 3 slices of bread for breakfast.

It was rainy and gross outside, so we spent the day working inside. The kids cleaned the bathrooms, gathered laundry, swept the floors, washed more dishes, wiped down the table, folded their beds up, and helped with the dogs. They had rice and beans for lunch. Plus I gave Isaac and Lilah an applesauce because Seth had eaten 2 bananas. Isaac devoured his applesauce and then licked and sucked on the container. Seth was crying and upset because he didn’t get the applesauce, so Lilah ate half of hers and gave Seth the rest. I will admit, this impressed me out of her.

The kids worked and played all afternoon and then Seth started to lose it with the whole “no electronics” thing. He came downstairs and said, "Mom, do you know what happens when I don't watch movies or TV for days? I get a brain ache. Seriously, it's like my head just feels weird." Me: "Wow, I'm so sorry." Seth: "And mom, people say that you should watch at least 2 hours of TV every day. It's good for you!" Me: "No. That's not true. People don't say that." Seth: "Well, then definitely for at least one hour a day." Me: "nope." Seth: sighs heavily and desperately, "Mom, my head is going to feel so weird by tomorrow!"

Around 6pm that night we turned the lights out. I explained to the kids that a lot of people don’t use electricity and learn to do things in the dark and settle down in the evening when it gets dark. I was really surprised at how much they freaked out about this. We lit a few candles, but they were really stressed about it being dark. The kids were starting to suffer with the rice and beans things, so I gave them the choice of either eating more rice and beans or raw spinach with 5 saltine crackers. I was going for only things that could be grown or commonly made, like unleavened bread (the crackers). They picked the spinach and crackers. The poor babies were piling clumps of spinach on their crackers and devouring them. Isaac had to go to the bathroom and was legitimately terrified to leave his crackers. It was like a scene out of Lord of the Rings with Gollum and the ring... "My precious!" I promised to guard his crackers from sibling scavengers and he peed. They were getting hungry, really hungry. It was getting real up in here! I gave them each 5 dates for dessert as a special treat, and it might as well have been an ice cream sundae!

Now, on a side note. I just have to say that the kids were not the only ones learning things and feeling things during Gratefulness Camp. My own maternal feelings surprised me, I think because this whole thing had started out of such anger and frustration. But now, my babies were hungry. They were really hungry. And yes, this was a situation I had invoked and had control over. But, it was not easy watching my kids feel hungry. Of course, I knew that I could feed them whatever I wanted if I needed to and I was choosing to let them feel this discomfort for a purpose more important than a rumbly stomach. But my heart hurt watching them. Everything inside of a mom is wired to provide and protect and nurture and it hurt to see them suffering. It gave me a new and more tangible sense of empathy for all the mamas all over the world who have to watch their babies be hungry, and sick, and cold, and can’t fix it. It is not a make believe “camp” for them and their pain is real and long-term. My heart breaks for those moms and their babies in an even deeper way than before.

I wanted my kids to have a picture of how the real world works so that they have a sense of what “these children” that mom keeps talking about really look like. I pulled up some pictures and video of foreign missions trips and outreaches and showed it to the kids. I didn’t want to expose them to something TOO terrifying or heavy because they are only 8, 6, and 4. But I wanted them to feel the intensity and severity of the need. They were shaken. They were upset. They legitimately did not know that reality existed. They wanted to do something. Seth and Lilah both ran upstairs to grab their piggy banks and started dumping their money out. They were thrusting money at me and begging me to do something with it that would help those children. (Another moment in which my faith in my children’s hearts of goodness was restored. But really, if we all took the time to remind ourselves of the crippling need out there in the real world, wouldn’t we or SHOULDN’T we all be doing the same thing? We are grown-ups, after all, and don’t have the excuse of ignorance.) The kids committed to working to earn money each month to contribute towards sponsoring a little boy through Compassion International. We signed up to sponsor a little boy who has been waiting to be sponsored for six months and the kids are excited to write letters to him, tell him about Jesus, and work to financially help him have a better life.

We followed dinner with family devotions and prayer and the kids went to bed, still a little hungry, because lets face it, a bowl of spinach and a handful of crackers doesn’t go that far.

Day 3

They ate bread for breakfast and then cleaned up their bed stuff. I sent everyone outside to pick up trash and toys that had blown around from the storm the night before. The kids came inside for lunch, more rice and beans, and then we loaded up to run some errands. I brought trash bags and gloves and we headed to the park. I explained that part of being grateful is taking care of our blessings. So we picked up trash and fallen tree limbs at the park to help take care of the blessings around us and in our community. 

Then we went to Hobby Lobby where we picked out some fleece to make no-sew fleece blankets to be donated to Project Linus, which is an organization that provides hand-made blankets to children in need. I told the kids that a lot of people, including children, work to provide for themselves by making things. People make blankets, or baskets, or bags, craft with wood, and the list goes on in order to sell for money to live. People also make a lot of their own supplies that they need to live. We won’t be selling our blankets. But we will spend time working with our hands to make them and then contribute back into the community.

We ran a few more errands and then met up with daddy to go out to eat to end Gratefulness Camp. The kids picked Freddy’s Steakburgers and custard and THOROUGHLY enjoyed and appreciated any food that was not rice and beans. Isaac is thrilled to “not be kids who only eat rice and beans anymore.” And overall, I think we have a much better understanding of reality and stronger sense of what having a thankful heart means. I suspect we’ll be recalibrating every so often as we forget how blessed we are. But now my kids know that mommy is a little crazy and intense, and when mommy says she’s going to do something awful, she probably will. So let’s just not go there!

Gratefulness Camp is over today and Lilah dressed herself and said, "Mom, now that gratefulness camp is over I just HAVE TO dress fancy because nothing has been fancy all week!" It would be like my girl to miss fanciness the most., while the boys just wanted to eat! (PS - she's now wearing a crown and play make-up, a face jewel sticker, with fake flowers in her hair. She just can't get enough fancy on today!)

Our reminder phrases and verses:

Whenever we start to see a lack of thankfulness, we quickly correct by saying “Gratitude Attitude!” This comes from an audio book series called Standin’ Tall by Brite Music. It’s got all kinds of fantastic lessons put to story and music for character building in children. My kids love to listen to them in the car.

Psalm 106:1 NIV

Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever.

Philippians 4:4 NIV

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Philippians 2:14 NIV

Do everything without grumbling or arguing,